Scary Movies I've Watched So Far

Every September I get all my scary movies together and put them in a separate DVD book. I get so excited about watching all of them. But the last few years  it seems like I watch fewer and fewer of them. I think it has to do with increasing offspring...the band of course.

Anyway we've already watched The Wolfman, House of Dracula and The Blair Thumb about 1000 times. I'm glad people here like the classics. Here's a clip from The Blair Thumb:

If you enjoyed that I think you can youtube the entire thing! Hurray for the internet!

Silliness aside I have watched a few good horror films. Wait Until Dark of course. It's Audrey Hepburn, Alan Arkin and scares my pants off. I insisted on a completely dark house for the last scene.

Also I watched the Others. I enjoy this film. Not to scary. Has a Sixth Sense kind of end, which also means that when watching it again you slap yourself in the forehead wondering how you missed it. They do beat you over the head with clues. It doesn't hurt that the actress in this film is moderately attractive.

On Jon's Advice I watched 1408. Here's the trailer:

Actually pretty scary for the first half. Parts of this film kept me from sleeping for a bit. But the second half turns into self healing for the main character. It's all about how he needs to learn an important lesson about himself and that's when it stops scary the turkey lips out of me. Too bad.

I also have had the pleasure of watching Blacula.

According to the description on the sleeve this was supposed to be Shaftula kicking drug dealer butt in L.A. Instead he just kills some people while try to hook up with a chick that reminds him of his former wife. I did dig skillet though.

I am going to watch Poltergeist tonight. I'm excited. In a few days I'll review it here. As well Jon and I are doing a live commentary for his podcast. I'll let you know when we are broadcasting in case you want to participate. Until then enjoy this clip:

Anyway, let me know what good scary movies you have enjoyed so far this year or your favorite scary movies or whatever.

Balm of Gilead Soothe My Soul

So I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps since yesterday's unimaginable (yet strangely foreseeable) atrocity in Ft Worth Texas. I'm talking about BYU getting worked by TCU. BTW I started a blog with a U of U buddy called The Holy War . I would say check it out but this is too depressing a week to do so. The background color of the blog illustrates who is on top in the current week. Well it ain't blue right now!

Anyway, after losing a lot of sleep last night - yes, I lost sleep over a football game - I woke up wondering how I could ever be happy again. And then it happened. My copy of Rock Band 2 came in the mail. It wasn't supposed to arrive until next Thursday so it must have been a miracle sent from angels on tiny olde time bicycles that fly to ease my pain! It worked. I played Eye of the Tiger and things were moving in the right direction but it was when I played Float On by Modest Mouse and Today by Smashing Pumpkins that my spirits were soaring once again. Thank you Harmonix. You saved my life. If BYU loses to Utah on nov 22nd could you release a 20 track pack from The Cure? Thanks again.

I Am Married?

Did you all know that I have a beautiful wife named Valerie? Most of you did but you wouldn't have guessed from this blog. Aside from my occasional reference to a girl named Valerie, I have kept this blog almost exclusively about myself. But it's not my fault, Monique. Thanks for asking BTW. If it hadn't been for your complaint that Val was never in my blog she never would have allowed it. Let me explain.

Valerie trusts the Internet about as much as you can trust Penny Fathrington in a candy store during a ribbon candy sale. By that I mean she trusts the Internet less than zero. 

A few years ago when we were first married Val went to a seminar sponsored by the Relief Society in Portland, Maine where a policeman spoke about safety. Two things came of that meeting. 1 - It is imperative that we have a cell phone. 2 - No trace of our family would ever EVER end up on the world wide interweb. 

So when I started this delightful blog a year ago (mostly in envy of all my Blogging friends) Val insisted that to my readers I would present myself as a lone man in the world.
I agreed and have tried my best to keep it that way. She has softened some as I posted pics of our last (10th!) anniversary and mentioned her name a few times. This doesn't mean this blog will start covering the every action of my sweet wife. She wouldn't have it but she should get mentioned more often and maybe the occasional picture too!

So we've been married for 10 years. I know what you are saying. Lucky Valerie! I know. I remind her every day. Seriously though I don't think I could have found a more perfect partner. She is kind and forgiving but just pushy enough to get me to do 
the stuff I know I should. I've pictured myself without her "assistance" and it's not pretty. 

Perhaps the thing I love the most about Valerie though is that she is a hopeless romantic. Our first Christmas she was game for whipping out our credit cards and spending a month in Europe. What a ridiculous thing for penniless college students to do. But it was wonderful. New Years Eve in Paris (unwitting victims of jet lag while everyone else was at the Eiffel Tower), train rides through the Swiss-Italian Alps, looking for bathrooms all over Italy and checking out the gorgeous country side of Greece. I love and will never cease to be amazed by Valerie's willingness to do things that don't always make sense in our heads but seem like the right thing to do in our hearts.

I love you Valerie. You are the best.

Happy now Monique?

The Big Three

I have a bit of a beef with Halloween. Don't get me wrong I love Halloween. I can never decide if I like it better than Christmas but it's very close for me. I love the whole mood. We are allowed to be a bit scary and we also allow ourselves to be sacred. Which is fun. Some people who may or may not be my wife think that it is wrong to want to be scared. That there could be nothing fun about feeling frightened. But it is fun. In fact, our body releases the same endorphins that it releases when we eat chocolate, kiss a pretty Valerie, etc. So our body actually enjoys being frightened. Fact.

Anyway, my problem with Halloween is that all kids go as these years are Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Spiderman, Ralph Nader, Ballet Dancers etc. The whole holiday is based on the celebration of ghosts and goblins and all things scary. Ballet Dancers don't scare me. Maybe if it was a zombie ballet dancer, then I could go for it. My friend Jon often does this. Last year he was a Star Trek character but at least he was the Vampire version of it. Thank you Jon.

So I have decided that costume-wise I am going to go with the Big Three: Dracula, the Frankenstein Monster and the Wolfman. I'll rotate them around but they are so solid and so what I enjoy about Halloween that I think I'll be set for some time. I hope you enjoy them too. In fact, I recommend that this year you make a point of watching the original Frankenstein, Wolfman (Lon Chaney Jr) and Dracula. I watch Dracula every year on Halloween, but all are classics. This is what Halloween should be about - Monsters, Ghosts and the Undead. Not pink power rangers.

One final ramble. I know they are in the process of making new versions of movies with my three favorite characters starting with the Wolfman next year. I know there are directors that know how to make horror flicks. So please can we actually put these characters in real horror (scare my pants off) films? Picture Dracula meets the original Halloween. That could be really scary. Are you reading this Mr. Carpenter?

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Ok so I have to get some unpleasantness out of the way first. I was accused by 3 different people of rigging this poll. It's just not true. I didn't even vote for it myself. I voted for The Adams Family. In fact I haven't talked to anyone that admited voting for it. I threw it in the poll becuase it was such a terrible movie and I thought people would get a chuckle out of seeing it mentioned.

Now I am the first to admit that it's a terrible film. But terrible films can be a treat. After my mission I spent several glorious months with my good friend J.B. Flinders becoming acquainted with the worst films ever made including Puma Man, The Destroyer, Scanners, every Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequel and the entire V series (that was one glorious night!). These movies are terrible but that is what makes them so good.

However, a problem occured. I had no idea this movie would win so I never imagined how hard it would be to watch it. Up until this week it sat at the top of my Q with the words "Short Wait." Well last night that changed to "Very Long Wait." Fortunately while doing my latest Star Trek Podcast I asked my good friend Jon Madsen to bail me out and write this review. Netflix delivered the film to him weeks ago. Harumph!

So without further ado, here is Jon's uncut review of Masters of the Universe.

I have sort of a love/hate relationship with Masters of the Universe. I never saw it when it came out. All I knew at the time was that the bad guy in Rocky IV would be playing the good He-Man. That must've blown my mind and I never saw it (and also nobody would drive me to the theater). Later in life, a friend of mine would be so desperate to get a free iPod nano that he actually signed me up for a month of Blockbuster Online to get the points he needed. Little did I know that he also filled the queue with movies -- the first three of which were already coming in the mail. On the top of the list -- Masters of theUniverse (followed by Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo). So in a very funny, yet annoying way, I was forced to watch Masters of the Universe instead of any other movie that I may have wanted towatch.

How ironic then, that it's the same Blockbuster Online that suddenly has a scarcity of the same movie now.

Later in life I'm all set to enjoy Maverick as the movie of the month. It may not be the best movie, but at least it's a movie that I have not yet seen. Then, out of nowhere Masters of the Universe, my oldnemesis, rises to victory in the polls. Once again the movie thwarts me.

Perhaps it's more of a hate/hate relationship.

Okay, just kidding. It's not that bad. Anyway, this movie is based on the Mattel toys of Masters of the Universe. Apparently it's not based on the old tv cartoon, which is why He-Man never has a timid alter-ego named Adam who looks exactly like him. Also there's no annoying ghost thing named Orko. Instead, there's an annoying dwarf thing named Gwildor. That's all the justification that not basing the movie on the tv show gets, because some of the other changes made they simply have no excuse for (except for the obvious excuse that the studio only gave them a few bucks to pull the whole production together).

So the movie starts out in the familiar He-Man world of Eternia. The evil Skeletor has won! He's captured the sorceress and Castle Grayskull. BTW, am I the only one who thinks it's weird that Castle Grayskull ISN'T Skeletor's home castle? I mean, it's a big skull, right? Skeletor's also a skull (supposedly). He should be in the skullcastle, not the snake castle. Anyway, Skeletor and his army have also captured the majority of the Eternian forces (which apparently consists of four dudes in the desert who are being held at gunpoint). The rest of the Eternian forces (three people -- c'mon there were abunch of good toys they could've stuck in the movie -- like Mekaneck (see picture)) now regroup. They are Man-At-Arms (who we learn is actually named Duncan), his daughter Teela (who really seems to have nothing going for her) and our hero, He-Man (who wears a cape and NOTHING ELSE). Eventually they meet up with Gwildor (who is played by the cameraman in UHF), a dwarf that makes these weird keys where he can take them anywhere in the universe instantly. So they escape Skeletor's forces to... Earth.

Earth was never a part of the He-Man mythology. I'm pretty sure it was for this movie so that the director could literally film it in his backyard.

While on Earth, our heroes get separated from their warp key. It'spicked up by Courtney Cox and her boyfriend. Courtney Cox's parents just died so she's leaving for New Jersey TOMORROW. She's not waiting one more week for school to finish, she's leaving THE NEXT DAY. Her boyfriend thinks the key is some sort of Japanese synthesizer. Skeletor wants He-Man killed and to get the key so he uses his own key (I think) to send his greatest warriors to Earth. Beast-Man is one of them and the three others are three guys who weren't in the cartoon OR were ever toys. One is a normal human with an eye patch (always classic), one is a melted troll doll, and the other one is a stinky lizard. That's right, they didn't bother to put in Trap-Jaw or Mer-Man or Tri-Clops or even Stinkor (see picture).

Anyway, the good guys make friends with the earthlings and they all fight off the bad guys. The bad guys go back to Eternia and Skeletor kills the stinky lizard. Then he sends Evil-Lyn to "finish the job." She does a pretty good job. She dresses up like Courtney Cox's dead mom and just asks for the key nicely. After that the bad guys capture He-Man. Soon Skeletor himself comes through the dimensional door to Earth. Oh no! Skeletor is going to use his advanced technology to bring the entire war to Earth! He'll take all our natural resources and claim Earth as part of his own domain! Actually... no. He just comes, picks up the key and He-Man and goes back to Eternia. No worries.

Fortunately, Cox's boy friend is a musician and he knows the right tones to open a portal back to Eternia. Our heroes (aided by Principal Strickland of Back to the Future) barge in and free He-Man in time for him to have the climactic battle with Skeletor. Then the earthlings go back to earth. But they don't JUST go back. Courtney Cox asks if Gwildor can send them back in time to before her parents died. He does. They go back a week earlier. I wonder why they weren't using the time travel capabilities of the key the entire movie. Weird.

So in between all this stuff is a bit of fun. Like when He-Man is fighting the guys who fly on trash can lids. Also they fight with guns AND swords. I suppose it's not that weird. We did it in the Civil War. But it just seems that any civilization that masters interdimensional galactic travel would also find the idea of using swords as positively quaint.

I imagine the woman who plays Teela got the part because despite allher deficiencies she probably claimed that she could shoot a gun well.She lied.

I read on imdb that Dolph Lundgren did all his own stunts. A more accurate way of saying that would probably be that the stunt man for this movie also spoke while on camera.

So I can't say the movie was especially good, but it certainly wasn't boring. Often that's even more important. Some cheese, like this, really works. It sort of reminds me of Flash Gordon a little. Of course I think this one was trying to be a little more serious. It only sort of reminds me. Flash Gordon is hallowed ground. I guess it'snot really hate/hate.

Thank you Jon. That brings us to the best month of the year! Please submit your favorite Scary/Halloween movie. I'm going with IT (Gotta love Tim Curry as Pennywise the Clown!).

Frockly T-Shirt Giveaway

I just want a free Harvey Unga shirt

Frockly T-Shirt Giveaway

He-Man Goodness!

Here's some clips to get you pumped for The Masters of the Universe!